So Stressed

I am so stressed. I don't understand what is going on? One minute she is very sick the next she is up and moving around. This roller coaster is driving me mad. I love her so much I know she is hurting. She is mentally burdened with family issues. She is never at peace. I looked at this woman for years before now aspiring to be like her and now she is a faint memory of what she used to be. She is mean resentful,complaining. It is very hard to not be hurt by the things she says. I love her so much but my heart is breaking because this is not my grandma at least not all of her. She is still in there peeping out the window of her soul every now and then to make an apearance. Today is her birthday and I have had to remind her 4 times this morning alone. She has people coming to see her and she keeps saying happy birthday to me. This is so hard. I don't know how to handle it. They say the stroke could have caused some permanent damage and I believe that. She is having mood swings and is very difficult to console she cries all day sometimes without an explanation.

I want to be here for her and help her through all of this. She just keeps me as far away as possible she never just wants to talk anymore.

Lord help me be kind to her and not snap. This is so HARD !